November 25, 2012
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Giving yourself away
@RoakillSpatula is getting married today. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing him here in xangaland for several years now and have watched this love story evolve, the chronicle of his work to unite his life with his love’s. It takes a lot of real work to combine two adult households, not to mention the challenges that are magnified by distance between the two. It makes me think of the way I gave a lot of “myself” away to join my husband in marriage and the creation of a family… the endless compromises that are better left uncounted… And the rewards that come from truly releasing some of those things that seem so unbearably important.
Over the last couple days, I’ve encountered several comments in different places wondering what it’s like to give oneself away in art… How can I sell pieces that are “me” in some way? Or, even better, assumptions about my very private internal life gleaned from images of my work. To do what I do for a living, I have to give myself away to strangers frequently… endless unmentionable compromises… Matters of pricing or convenience or detail… Matters of my self image and blunt encounters with bizarre ideas of my internal life and motives…
But it occurred to me as I spoke with another artist recently that I can no more hold my art close to myself than I can hold all my words inside. Like unspoken words, selfishly hoarded, old pieces of art clog up the pathways of my home and my heart, arresting my progress and miring me in memories and old feelings, no longer useful to me… my own antiquated ideas of self.
So I paint. Full time. Like my life depends on it. A self-replenishing inspiration permeates the majority of my days and I must let the colors out. I was berated for years for painting over art others loved, but they wanted me to store it and keep it safe… I can’t do that. I can’t live with it. I WILL paint over it. So, now I’m pricing stuff low so it can go away more quickly and leave me to paint over something else, less loved or less useful to the people I happen to know at the moment.
Just yesterday, I started a serious revision of an old Water Lily painting much to the horror of my husband.
I didn’t even know he liked the piece…
But that wouldn’t have stopped me.
Comments (16)
You do what you have to do in order to please yourself. I think your paintings, in the manner in which they evolve, says a lot of positive about you.
heh. i noticed that conversation. it got me to thinking about this LONG unfolding that i am going through and it is enlightening to hear about your journey.
i can’t wait to see what’s cookin’
oxooo
It’s so funny you posted this. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Also, Tim…yay! But re: giving yourself away, I had a profound anxiety for decades about sharing my writing and the longer I went without sharing it the worse it got. Not only that, but the longer I went without sharing it the worse *I* got. I still haven’t sold a single story but just writing them down and sending them out and sharing them with a group has made a profound difference in my life.
I can no more hold my art close to myself than I can hold all my words inside
. this is true, and I’m glad you brought it up. since I don’t really make any money with my art, when I have a photography showing, at the end of the showing I give all the photographs away to the people who are present at the time, one at a time. I’m trying to de-clutter my house, and having a lot of “me” sitting around looking at me bothers me. odd, I know.
I’m very glad for Tim and Alicia!
Your love grows when you give it away. Just like art ability can grow when you give your stuff away or revise them. Growth is the ability to evolve and change. Life is change period.
I am with @plantinthewindow - the more clutter I accumulate seems at time I am building my own jail.
My father was an author and as I watched him toil away at his craft, I knew there was nothing he could do to stop it. Or, if he did, he’d be miserable. I’ve always admired that kind of passion, and hope one day something takes me I that manner. I do love to write, but I am still far too plugged up to let it out that way. When it is ready, when I am ready, it will happen, if it is to happen at all.
Many of my favorite pieces have been given away, donated to fundraising auctions, or go home with friends. Keep on expressing yourself and that will be the biggest reward of all.
@armnatmom - Yeah – at the end of the day, I’m really just scratching an itch lol
It just warms my heart to imagine the day they’re having
@Bels_Kaylar - I try to write a bit about things like that from time to time… When too many of those conversations pop up (grocery store, facebook, etc) I think about it for a while. It’s all a long unfolding eh
@ordinarybutloud - Someone on fb kind of came after me for painting over stuff and dropping prices all the time, but I really enjoy putting stuff online however long it ends up existing in “real life” – It feels good regardless of the reception it gets
@plantinthewindow - You know, on first impression, it did sound odd to think of giving everything away at the end, but I totally understand the motivation and it sounds lovely. I virtually never give away any work. My husband would kind of freak out. I am really tired of looking at old work and old selves. Everything you own owns you. I’ve been thinking about Tim and Alicia all day
@PPhilip - Everything you own owns you – a saying I’ve lived with since I was tiny
@Shahrazad1973 - I’ve tried to quit painting more times than I can count over the years, but I can’t seem to do it. It’s been hard on relationships. I’m really lucky I’ve found a man who doesn’t hold it against me. Most of them have. At least I pay the bills with it lol… that gets me a lot of forgiveness.
As far as your process goes – just make or don’t make. Don’t worry about it. You’ll know when it’s time.
@oceanstarr - I have to be candid, here … I also give it away because no one wants it enough to purchase it. and, it’s kind of disheartening to take it all back home. no one has ever bought anything at my shows, so I give it away. kind of a sad reason. but also for the other reason, too. it’s a mixed bag.
Congrats to @RoakillSpatula !
@plantinthewindow - I understand. I’ve been showing for a long time. I’ve had really great shows where lots of stuff sold, but I’ve had many more that end about the same as yours. I always see your work as valuable and wonderful. As much as I can relate to that feeling at the end of some nights, I really want you to remember that it’s more a function of the crowd in the room as opposed to the quality of your work. It’s hard to work as a photographer… and you pick photography AND writing… Geez… Talk about picking the path of challenge
@oceanstarr - :P true, true. sand the floor, John-San.
@plantinthewindow - There’s a lot of truth in what you say. It’s freeing to get rid of things that bring up the past, and very cool to establish a fresh new home together with my new spouse making decisions that we’re both delighted with.
Cool that you give away the prints, John. I can understand that. I haven’t felt the drive to share my writing that much, but I get great satisfaction out of some of my more creative handyman work, especially tiling. Some jobs feel like they have to be done, even if the people can’t afford them.
I can relate. lol I’m busily giving away the bits and pieces of my old life. It is quite a journey. But a good one. Less clutter and less baggage to carry around. After I do the material things I’ll be working on the emotional, metal baggage. Why just stop with things. <3
@C_L_O_G - It’s funny how it’s affected me knowing you’re giving away your stuff… and I can’t be there and I can’t see if you’re getting rid of something that’s meaningful to me… It’s an odd experience for me as well.
In some way, it’s like you’re getting younger to me – changing back into the person I played with in Clay County. Does that make any sense?
@oceanstarr - Yes, it makes a lot of sense. Funny, I’ve blogged about dumping my physical baggage and I’m just realizing I’m dropping a lot of emotional and mental baggage at the same time.